The Two-State Dissolution

The last round of negotiations in 2010. State Department Photo by Michael Gross

An entrenched stalemate persists between Israelis and Palestinians concerning a just and comprehensive two-state solution. The Intifadas, Oslo Accords and their shortfalls, Jewish and Palestinian terrorism, and domestic exhaustion place a potential agreement in uncertain waters. Recent developments in Israel and Palestine* suggest that the parties are not even close to reaching conditions for meaningful negotiations. Yet although the prospects of a two-state solution are slim at the moment, the case for a settlement is stronger than ever. Precarious as the situation is, both sides need to take bold steps to find middle ground before the floor disappears beneath their feet.

Human Rights and Peace Triumph Across the Globe

In a shocking turn of events today, Kim Jong-un retracted his previous threats to use preemptive nuclear strikes against South Korea and the U.S., instead announcing a plan to point the country's "missiles" at China instead. In a statement, the often unpredictable North Korean leader said, “After decades of a close friendship, North Koreans have come to realize that China is about to take sh*t over. We’d prefer it not be us.” Further shocking observers, Mr. Kim announced a divorce from his current wife, insisting that he is now engaged to South Korea’s Prime Minister Park Geun-hye. The two were seen canoodling in a Pyongyang internet café soon after the announcement.

Official portrait of Kim Jong Un

Apparently in response to the shifting alliances on the continent, Japan and China agreed to shelve their dispute over the Senkaku-Diaoyu islands and form The League of Asian BAMFs for regional security. Japanese Prime Minister Abe said of the move, “Hell, they’re just a couple stupid rocks. We’ll just split ‘em and cut our losses.” His counterpart in China, Li Xinping, responded, “Those upstart Koreans won’t know what hit them when they have the LOABAMFs coming at them.” China and Japan then unfriended both Koreas on Weibo.